So I’ve been browsing through Reddit and looking into the /r/lobotomykaisen subreddit. Quick warning, don’t go there if you want to leave with more than two brain cells intact. So I’ve been hearing some things (unfortunately). And people say all the time that players who play “group hug” are quite literally the Devil. In that case, would the opposite then be true? Maybe the path to redemption lies in “group slug” as the ultimate solution and path to holiness.
So before I go on further, I need to explain what Group Slug is to the unaware reader. More people are familiar with the friendlier “group hug” where an evil person guides the pod through a wonderful journey with some candy-packed universe with friendship and sharing (disgusting). Group Slug is the opposite. You drag everyone down to hell including yourself and experience every level of torment imaginable. This deck is Group Slug but turned up an even higher notch. I feel that the community doesn’t sell Group Slug well enough. I don’t want to break parity. If you want to truly make the experience enjoyable, you too must experience the wrathful flames and third-degree burns with your friends.
So you may be wondering what this has to do with Jujutsu Kaisen. To be honest, absolutely nothing. I just remembered Megumi’s face above at some point in the anime series (that I did not watch) and thinking it relates so perfectly well to what this deck is trying to do. Not to mention, JJK fans are insane anyways.
Thank you to Liam for helping me with selecting a better Commander. The original choice for this deck was Deadpool because of two reasons: 1.) His effect corresponds on my opponent’s field; therefore I do not break the theme and 2.) He is literally insufferable. Now The Lord of Pain, on the other hand, embodies the ideals of this deck. Pain is inevitable. And we should simply embrace it. Furthermore, it covers one of the core weaknesses of this deck, lifegain. That accursed keyword must stay in prison for all eternity. We can’t have players gaining life. We need all to feel the sweet embrace of death. Furthermore, The Lord of Pain mocks our opponents, letting us slap them in the face for the first spell they cast each turn at each other.
Now originally, there was another prototype post for this that discussed the story of Icarus in Greek mythology followed by the definition of hubris. Long story short, that’s the goal of this deck, just like Icarus whose wax wings were melted by his approach to the sun, we will have our opponents simply kill themselves for the actions that they take.
We need to push our opponents to action. The way around is deck is quite simple when you think about it. If every single action is reprimanded with a painful reaction, the best thing to do is simply do nothing. We cannot have that. This is a game, and players should play. Nobody comes to table to just hold their cards in hand and discard down to hand size. In a way, we are also the cure to the other common issue with Commander: games taking too long. Each moment a player delays, the more pain they will receive. And to reduce or eliminate the pain, they must act, causing them to bleed. That is the reality and truth of this deck.
We want to make sure that players know that each time they play a card, they’ll be burned a little. And we need to make sure that we cover as many strategies as we can. Now keep in mind that we are on the clock too. I’d like to think of our deck where every card we play is essentially a damned curse and we’re slowly leeching away at our own lifeforce.
The question we ultimately want to ask our opponents is how much life would you be willing to pay to play the game. As our board continues to grow and expand, the total life costs also begin to add up. Now remember, we are privy to the same rules as our opponents. With each curse on the board, our life total continues to deplete.
We play a dangerous game with our own life totals. So as part of this challenge, everything must be impartial. That means that all effects have to affect all players equally. We all share in the curses. We are all damned. The ultimate point of the game, the most thrilling part, is when everyone is a hair’s breadth away from dying. And the most funny part is when the game becomes a game of chicken when nobody wants to do anything at all (out of fear of reciprocation).
The hardest part of this deck is keeping that pressure going. We need to make it so that players are feeling the pain. Each card should be pressuring and forcing our opponents to take action. This should include even the most basic of gameplay mechanics.
The other point or problem is that players will more than likely be trying to kill us to end the pain as soon as possible, which is the wisest choice to be quite fair with you. Kill the king and end the problem. We need to stop them from doing so. Usually, if the game goes long enough, it’ll be in our favour and we’ll be able to find a way to close out the gap. The thing is, with this deck, we don’t really need much. Our opponents are taking damage due to their own hubris, so we don’t have to really do anything. In fact, that’s typically the main win con for the deck.
But cards like the above give us a bit more insurance. Remember that our effects must equally affect every player. We are in group hell after all. But there are some downsides that can be relatively skittered over with little to no harm. For instance, Ensnaring Bridge and Mudslide are great since we don’t intend to win by combat damage anyways. Oppression is a way to get rid of our opponents’ threats by simply preventing anyone from really being able to play much at all, slowly draining our opponents out with our pain pieces. We don’t mind the loss in hand, and it pairs very well with Ensnaring Bridge. Furthermore, we can’t die to our own hubris if we never have cards to play anyways.
We also need to play some stax pieces in order to maintain the same advantage. Now we don’t really play out of anywhere other than our hands and pay full mana value for our cards. These pieces are, for the most part, completely one-sided because of how our deck functions. These cards are ways for us to prevent our opponents from quickly getting out of hand, just as Richard Garfield had intended.
So, while almost all our lands are essentially basics, there are two lands I want to highlight. Both lands here generate a token that we can sacrifice for Contamination if need be or even to provide a cheap chump blocker. Westvale Abbey is an eventual potential win con if we stretch into the late game to create Ormendahl which can quickly close out the game. It is also a way to get rid of our own pain creatures so we don’t accidentally die to ourselves.
If I just had to pick a single card that best defines this deck, not necessarily the ace, it would be Pyrohemia. The image of a people burning to the ground and collapsing while covered in flames is exactly what it feels like to be both the pilot and on the receiving end of this deck. If anything, this is our domain expansion: Infinite Suffering.